Smile, for a change

Feeling left behind. When did I get so lost? Everyone's moving on. I just can't seem to catch up. The walls are closing in, and I'm getting smaller by the second. At the end of the day, I'm watching everyone slip away. Every fall is planned, and second chances never come. As time slips further and further away from me.
I miss the people who i really love, i miss having real friends who care about how i feel and who would drop anything just to make sure i am okay, i feel like im falling away from everyone or everyone is falling away from me im not even sure.
I feel like im always wishing on stars to get my life back into order, i know somewhere out there their is love and i know somewhere out there i can make my dreams come true and just become the person i really want to be.On the good days, I feel like I get it, like it all makes sense. I can stay in the moment. I don’t have to control everything in the future, and I believe everything is going to work out fine. On the bad days, I just want to grab the phone and start dialing numbers. I want to pull my hair and run through the streets screaming.

Last year i was dating this guy, he was amazing, he had every quality i have ever wanted in a guy, i was so happy when i was with him, but at the same time i was so scared he would just leave one day so i would break up with him and get back together the next day, I did this about three times, then the last time he broke up with me cause he was tired of my confusion and he knew i would just do it again, well i didnt really care when we broke up for the first week i was fine, but months later i realized what i had lost and what a catch he really was. A year later im still stuck on the same boy and i really would marry him in a heartbeat as crazy as it sounds. I need to find a way that i dont get scared to put myself out there and not always assume people are going to leave, its been the hardest thing dealing with this pain i have cause i miss him so much. i have to let go its pointless to hang out to something that isn't going to happen. I just wish it didnt have to hurt this much this pain is too hard and im not that strong.
it shouldnt be so hard it should be simple to let go and forget so that is what i am going to be working on now just being the happy girl i used to be and getting my life back into order. Pray for me!! :)