Little too much

I have no idea what i want in life right now, I dont know where im going with it, i just feel like nothing ever works out for me. I feel like when i have a big chance to do something great i get scared to try and i stop with that plan and try for something else. I dont understand why its so hard for me to do new things i guess im just afraid of failing or never being good enough, I just feel stuck between my past and my future, there are so many things i would love to do with my life, i want to go to school i want to travel to a different country and visit orphanages, I want to be able to have a guy who i wont be afraid to be with and just not be afraid to let people in 100%. But then at the same time i just sit by the window curl up like a ball and just think about how fun things used to be years ago and the great guy i lost because i was too scared to give him a chance. I dont want ot be scared anymore i want to be the confident girl who isnt afraid to try new things and learn new things i want to be the girl people admire and say " Wow she has come a long way to get here". I think i have forgotten what its like to just not always have to make other people happy but to make myself happy, i worry so much about making sure everyone around me is happy i just forget about me and finally i just need to have a mental break down and let everything i had bottled in out. I really want to be my old happy confident Rayna that i know and i know i need to make some changes in my life and that is what i am going to start, im just gonna do things i enjoy and not let people walk over me Im gonna be strong and just live the life that i really want =).